“Whatever lies within our power to do lies also within our power not to do.”
― Aristotle
I try to be a shoulder to lean on for my students.
I often ask them how they are, especially when they look sullen, and even more so when they’re just staring into blank space. When asked, they often chant:
“I just can’t seem to get down to my tutorials, I just let them pile up, I got no more motivation ‘cher”
“How to do work? I feel so lazy.”
“What’s the point?”
“ZERO motivation right now, ‘cher. But there’s exams.”
Work is hard, work is tough, and work can be excruciating when you don’t have much choice in whether you can do it. Teachers have to get students through a syllabus and having structure can be limiting, but there are expectations to fulfil. So how do we make do with what we have?
Most students lead very hectic and active lifestyles, and the demands of our school curriculums are extremely rigorous. I believe a measure of self-discipline and self-control can be harnessed even when things feel very overwhelming. In fact, it is when the pressure is on that some self-reflection and internal jostling can be very helpful in stirring the inner drive that lies latent within each of us.
Ask yourself, why am I doing this?
Yes, you should be asking yourself, what’s the point? Even as you spend so much time in school mugging for the grades you desire, reaching the top (of the results list) is not the “be-all and end-all” of life. Life happens after you leave school. Good grades aren’t the ultimate goal - a meaningful life is. Reflect on what that means for you. Stellar results are but one stepping stone to get there.
Envision the outcomes you desire and stay the course.
Once you are clearer about your purpose, you will be able to work better towards your goals. Consistency in your pursuit will get you somewhere. Very often, we give up when we meet setbacks or roadblocks. Self-discipline and self-control run parallel to tenacity and forbearance. Constantly check your progress and press on. Keep your vision intact and know that curveballs are meant to make you stronger.
Do a stock-take.
Get a piece of paper and pen. Jot down all your tasks and responsibilities that are currently on your plate. Write everything that comes to mind, then rank them from the most pressing to the least necessary. Strike out the non-essential tasks. Now, you would have a better idea of how much you actually have to do. It might look and feel less overwhelming.
Take breaks.
It is okay to take breaks. You need to find spaces between your busy-ness to unwind. Explore your options - what helps you to relax? Set aside some time doing what you like. If you’re not sure about what you like (it probably means you haven’t taken a break for a long while), set aside some time to figure that out.
We all have our distractions - acknowledge them!
No one is 100% focused on our tasks all the time. It is close to impossible to not touch our phones for an entire day or to stop playing that game that you have been hooked on for months now. It is counterproductive to try to go cold-turkey on "addictions" immediately. Instead of denying yourself that (so-called much needed) distraction, acknowledge that you are spending an inordinate amount of time on it. Being mindful of your actions will enable you to better deal with the consequences (of wasting time). You might then, automatically (we hope!), try to place a limit on the things that distract you.
Strike a balance.
"Everything in moderation" is a simple but powerful reminder that too much of a good thing can backfire on us too. As you build your self-discipline and self-control, you might start to accomplish more in your everyday life (yay!). Your increase in productivity might push you to want to do even better (double yay!). While this intrinsic motivation is a desirable outcome, it is best not to get carried away. Adding too much to your workload may lead to burnout. So strike this delicate balance - work hard but not excessively. Find that sweet spot.
Remember that you’re not alone.
You’re not doing life alone. You’ve got your classmates, your friends, your parents, your teachers. They’re all along for this ride. Reach out to them. You can get your friends to study with you so you can keep one another on track. Ask to spend time with your parents; they might be stressed about their job too. One thing that has kept me going throughout all my life are the people around me - my support system. Find a shoulder to lean on, there is bound to be one out there.
Cultivate gratitude.
When we are stressed out, we often see the cup as half empty rather than half full. Catch yourself doing that and try to think about the little victories that you might already have, even if they seem minute and insignificant at first thought. Be happy that you have come so far and look ahead with hope. You will be ready to try harder the next day.
Know yourself and set your boundaries.
Respect your own space and time. Know what works for you. Find your own momentum and set your own pace. At the end of the day, self-discipline and self-control reside within yourself. You have the power to choose what you wish to do and not do. Grab that power by the horns and make a decision that you will not live to regret.
In a nutshell, I always tell my students: Take care of yourself and in doing so, you will find that self-discipline and self-control are part and parcel of self-care.
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